Well yes, I can blame them. As David can attest, if all I wanted from a guy was sex, I'd stand in the middle of the street stark naked. It's quite possible that I'd have at least one taker, if not more. Granted, I could be arrested before I got the chance to have someone hop on me, but the point is that if I were that desperate, there are other things I could do.

Don't misunderstand. I've said it before that I'm a huge fan of sex. However, at this point in my life, if I wanted or needed a 'fuck buddy' I'd have that (and how do you know I don't?) There are a number of interesting ways that guys get the message across that sex is all they have on their minds. Some are subtle about it. Some aren't so subtle. Which is better? And why are we talking about this in the first place? Why? Because it's fucking annoying.

My experience to date has centered on both sides: guys I did want to sleep with and guys I wasn't ready for yet. I've categorized them below:

• The Steamroller

  This is the guy who gives you the 'full court press' upon meeting you. He calls you every day, sends you numerous emails, and you finally get together. Although he doesn't see you every day, it's every-other-day, and the two of you really hit it off. By the third date though, he's lounging on your sofa like a dog in heat, beckoning you into his arms (which you slither into happily) and heavy petting begins. Somewhere in your mind you're talking to yourself, telling yourself how great this is, yet not quite ready for primetime sex with him. You ask yourself, "do I like him?" "Do I want to sleep with him?" "Would I see him again if I slept with him?" When the answers return, yes, yes, no, you decide to wait. If this guy's worth anything, he'll stick around and wait too. If not, well at least I won't feel used and abused after the fact. So you don't sleep with him, and he falls off the face of the earth. Suddenly all those phone calls and emails dwindle, the weekend comes and goes and then he phones on Sunday afternoon, just to say hello. . . the message he's sending me: you didn't sleep with me, so now you're being punished for that. My message: if you had stuck it out, it would have been worth your while.

• Under Contract

  Here's a unique one. It's the guy who tells you right off the bat that he intends to sign a contract with another entity. After you recover from the realization that your recruiter was misinformed, you decide to just go with the flow and get to know him anyway. Somewhere down the line, after he tells you all about his other entity, he decides you're looking pretty attractive to him, and he swoops down and plants a juicy kiss on you. Even though you swoon, you become really confused. Regardless of the "DANGER WILL ROBINSON!" message scrolling across your brain, you cave and give into more kisses....and more, and more, and more. You ask yourself, "HEY! He said he's signing a contract soon, what the hell are you doing?" But you decide that you're going to enjoy this one for as long as possible until that contract is signed. As he continues to romance you during the course of the evening, you decide you want to sleep with him -- regardless. When the moment of truth arrives, you realize he did "say anything" to get you into bed, and you, and he, decide it's not going to happen. You're left feeling like a fool, and he's off to sign another contract.

• G.U.

  A term I learned from a guy, G.U. represents geographically undesirable. I had two separate experiences with guys who didn't live in New York. One was 2 airplane hours away, the other was 5 airplane hours away. The first and closest was someone I met while he was visiting NYC. We got along really well, played football in the street, and slept together -- an awesome experience. HOWEVER, and after I fell HARD for him, I went to visit him in his home state for a long weekend. Although I had recovered from the fact that he didn't want to get involved with someone in another state (he had a bad experience with that), I went anyway. We decided we could be grownups and sleep together just because ... and we did ... once while I was there. And in a complete twist of "hey, the woman says that, not the guy!", he told me he couldn't sleep with me, because he just didn't feel right about recreational sex. I was crushed. Instead of taking this for what it was, I felt as if something were wrong with me. It took a long email for him to get the message across to me that that was not the case at all. I'm grateful he did that, but I was convinced that I must have done something awful.

  The other guy, a major flirt, had been wooing me from clear across the country. We met via business-related matters, and when I had to travel there on business, he met me at the airport. The love sparks were flying, and I was in major swoon mode. He took me out for a beer and then we went to dinner. After a little bit of Saki, we were in full throttle flirt status. It wasn't long after that that I decided to plant the first kiss -- I couldn't help it, he was there, I was there, what the hell. As you can well imagine, we ended up in my hotel room, on the bed, discussing the potential pitfalls of sleeping together. The conversation ended quickly. He didn't stay after the fact, which bummed me out completely. I had to spend the next two days with him, and it was as if NOTHING happened. Perhaps I imagined it. All I know is that I was smitten, and he was mute. WHY do guys do that? I mean, was it a horrible experience? There's nothing worse than a guy who leaves a woman hanging after he's thrown her up in the air and fails to catch her when she falls. I mean, at least deposit a safety net nearby so she can navigate her landing.

These are just a few examples of the apparent lack of communication and misguided signals that are exchanged between men and women. Men need to learn to be honest and tell the woman, "I want to sleep with you and nothing more" or "I want to spend time with you, get to know you better, then sleep with you." Don't spend time with me panting like a dog in heat -- don't bombard me with attention and then leave me wondering what the hell happened -- don't kiss me if you're otherwise involved. If you want a friendship, then make it a friendship and say so. You'd be surprised the results you'll see when you say anything that doesn't involve getting me into bed.




About the Author:
Cindy C. bumps into things all the time; whether it's walls, bookcases, or jobs. She's also good at having herself removed from said items. She consistently runs into many a predicament with members of the opposite sex, and tries in vain to overcome by reading and believing in daily horoscopes such as:

"Missed romantic opportunities can now be regained. A brilliant strategy will impress everyone and land you exactly where you want to be. Luxury items prove to be good investments."